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Though it is still largely rejected by most Christians today, a massive number of scrolls concerning some of the earliest Christian thought was discovered in the 1940's which, collectively, has been called "The Nag Hammadi Library." Contained in this library are a number of scrolls which differ from, and sometimes outright contradict, the accepted Gospel as known through the New King James version of the Bible. In it, there are some pretty amazing revelations, notably, that Jesus was married to Mary Magdelena, that salvation comes through personal revelation and not faith, that women should ho… Read more

I wish I could take credit for this wonderful poem, but i can't. I just copied and pasted it. I'm still reading it, but if it doesn't describe my Lilith to a tee I don't know what does. BY ALGERNON CHARLES SWINBURNE Cold eyelids that hide like a jewel Hard eyes that grow soft for an hour; The heavy white limbs, and the cruel Red mouth like a venomous flower; When these are gone by with their glories, What shall rest of thee then, what remain, O mystic and sombre Dolores, Our Lady of Pain? Seven sorrows the priests give their Virgin; But thy sins, which are seventy times sev… Read more

This following youtube track is awesome. Everybody should listen to it... but only all the way through. If you've ever been curious about d**gs, but have resolved never to take them, definitely listen this. It's the closest musical approximation I've ever heard that sounds like the way the d**g ecstasy actually feels. It begins with the initial taking of the X and anticipation of it working, then transitions into it actually taking you up at about :40. It then describes the little highs you begin to feel while on that journey to its plateau. At 2:15 it describes the rush you get directly b… Read more

I just read an excellent opinion piece about internet trolling and misogyny. I can testify that I experience this very thing ALL THE TIME, not just here on Xhamster, but elsewhere on the internet whenever I write. If I am not outright sexually harassed (after my argument is totally overlooked) I am talked down to like I'm a fucking c***d. In fact just last week while commenting on CNN, one man asked me if I was "PMSing." On a porn site like this one, I've come to expect degrading remarks and largely ignore them in a majority of cases. But the problem is far more extensive and not confined… Read more

Part of something I felt compelled to write yesterday. I don't really know anything about poetry, but this sort of had that feel to it. Wrote it while listening to the following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2DI2PEE2zg Takes a minute to really get into it; it actually sounds ridiculous and like noise in the beginning, but it has a certain carefree and slightly "unstable" quality about it that reminds me of when I was young and reckless. The skyline can be heard at 1:50. There was something beautif… Read more

The following was written about a year ago after waking up from a dream which depicted the feminine personality i had turned my back on for so long. When I awoke I immediately began typing this on my iphone. It must have taken like three hours. What was written was not from my conscious mind; it came from somewhere deeper within my mind. This was my repressed feminine side, as she was essentially lecturing me on how I had been neglecting her, what brought the rift between us, and how and why she turned toward Lilith. As she spoke, it was if I was taking down dictation as another person sp… Read more

I have been harassed by another member complaining that my profile is obscene because of its religious imagery and some pictures which he considers too violent. So I wrote this brief outline explaining what each picture represents. The pictures are all metaphors. By explaining them straightforwardly I feel I am detracting from the power they conveyed when the viewer was left to their own interpretation. Though this profile is a reflection of my own life, it also mirrors many other peoples' experiences regarding their own journey into self discovery. I get messages every day from at least… Read more

I don't have much to write here, except to say that when I was listening to "Mr. Self Destruct" by Nine Inch Nails just now, I got very excited and thought "That's him! That's the Colonel in my dreams! These are what he has sung to me my entire life!" Part of me still yearns for him to take me utterly. So, with that, here are the lyrics to "Mr. Self Destruct." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RunfFTrTq5k I am the voice inside your head and I control you I am the lover in your bed and I control you I am the sex that you provide and I control you I am the hate you try to hide… Read more

"At the bottom of the abyss comes the voice of salvation. The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is to come. At the darkest moment comes the light." - Joseph Campbell. I began writing this today in my journal. As is often the case, however, I found the words to flow easier when I thought about telling them to an audience. Therefore, what started as a personal journal entry quickly changed into something I felt li… Read more

Due to the redundant nature of many of the questions I receive on a daily basis here on Xhamster, I thought it might be a good idea to create this post to provide answers for some of the more frequently asked ones. I know that some of these questions are probably just harassment, but they are very real and I get them at least once a week. Who's "Lilith?" I explain this in my bio, however I wrote another blog entry with my conception of Lilith, what she means to me, and why I chose her as my avatar for this site. If you want a more historical/mythological perspective, Michae… Read more

This is a great little forum that isn't dominated by guys and is more friendly toward women. It's called "puckerup.com." From what I can tell, the site is dedicated to an open discussion of everything sexual without the stereotypical restraints espoused by many early feminists, and without the openly anti-women attitude so often found on predominately male websites, such as xhamster. Though the forum is called "feminist," what I have seen is that it inviting to people of all genders. Here is just one example of a page I found about anal sex over there: http://puckerup.com/tag/ass-to-mou… Read more

*****Note. The video in question has since been deleted.****** I wrote the following to a user concerning an upload of a movie depicting a woman being ****d. I asked him to remove it, he replied that he did not feel the movie promoted **** and so would keep it up. To his credit, the uploader was at least very courteous with me, and by writing this I am not trying to attack him personally... yet. I'll admit, this is not my best argumentative writing skills at work, but it's what I produced. There is SO much more to say, but I'm just too tired. I tried to focus more upon how the film… Read more

Just a little song I kinda like, courteous of my sweety, Wildrick. Thank you ; ) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZyVyFZwFcI… Read more

I've decided to spend the holidays this year alone, away from family and all of the stressors that entails. I suppose to compensate for this I attended Midnight Mass at my local Cathedral. It's been a few years since I last attended mass in general, let alone Midnight Mass. I was conflicted throughout the ceremony for any number of reasons. I was so thoroughly touched by the sense of community and the general goodwill that is created through ritual that i became overwhelmed. Dogma aside, the ceremony stimulated levels of my spirit in ways that no mere rational instruction can ever touch.… Read more

This was initially written in response to HK's blog concerning Lilith. It's an ongoing thought and not meant to yet be complete: http://xhamster.com/photos/view/1329544-21853811.html Michaela has written THE best account on Lilith I have ever seen. She took the important parts of all the stories about Lilith and put them into a very concise, but thorough narrative. I was blown away when I read it because I have never been able to find such a complete description of Lilith. I would defintitely check out her blog. But I think if Lilith could ever actually be summarized, it would j… Read more

To my sweet stalker who spends so much life trying to ensnare me. I am the innocence you lost a long time ago. Every night that sees my spirit uncontained, let your own stagnant soul burn in its endless pursuit of naivety. You. Will. Never. Have. Me. Listen as my spirit soars to heights you can only hope to glimpse while cowering in nostalgic fantasy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2DI2PEE2zg When the evening sky ascends up over the Hollywood Hills So, too, does the spirit of my yo… Read more

Desiderata: "Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however hu… Read more

I am currently a self-proclaimed nymphomaniacal chataholic. When I eat popsicles in public I normally try my best to make the tip into a penis shape in order to draw attention to myself. Someday, I'd like to weigh like 250 pounds and lose it just so I can say "Hey girl, I've been there, done that" when someone mentions their weight problem. I love to have my ass licked, but I normally lose respect for the guy who is doing it and I can't have sex with him afterwards. I once fucked a remote control… Read more

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC0o723hb0M&feature=related When I was a c***d, my worldview, in all of its immaturity and unsophistication was similar to that of many other Catholics I think. I viewed the world in a very hierarchical manner, with God, Jesus, and the Church at the center of all things. I understood the Pope to be the highest representative of God, the direct concrete link between heaven and Earth. Underneath him was a bewildering and overlapping power structure that, for all intensive pur… Read more

Before reading, I must say that the purpose of this blog was primarily to organize my own thoughts about sexual objectification. I organize my thoughts best when communicating them to a specific person or people. In this case, I was thinking about the xhamster community. In reality this blog is more like an essay and has little if anything sexual arousing in it, save for maybe the enclosed link, though I, myself, find the accompanying movie (of a nerdy anal girl, thus the title) distasteful for reasons I explain below. Much of it may be obvious and I reserve the right to change my opinion… Read more