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Comments from Ebert O
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2021-09-03 14:58:34 | At Your Service | Nice story. But I agree with throatHER. You often confuse the reader with her dialog and his reaction (or vis-a-versa) in the same paragraph. For example, ..."OK, I can wait, but just tell me that there's a chance we might." She looked down shyly. "I'm sorry if you think I'm a tease... would be better written, "OK, I can wait, but just tell me that there's a chance we might." She looked down shyly. "I'm sorry if you think I'm a tease... Please be flattered by this criticism, which is only justified because this is an otherwise excellent story. Keep up the great story telling! |
| 2021-09-18 16:21:40 | Jenna and Jake | Tiger_t - Have you read the previous chapters of this story? They are: Lisa and Prince, Lisa and Prince -- day 2, and Lisa and Prince -- and Jenna. Ebert |