| 2018-03-03 06:25:24 |
The Creators: Book One
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Please learn the difference between ‘passed’ and ‘past’. You misuse them so much throughout an otherwise good story. And it would help if you posted individual chapters instead of one extremely long submission. |
| 2018-03-16 04:27:57 |
Daughters Five
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You like leaving out the personal pronoun, “I”, a lot. That’s very annoying and is a sign of a lazy writer. Still, the story is good, so though annoying, it can be overlooked. Why isn’t part two written and posted yet? You’ve had several days now. Stop what you’re doing and get to it. Now. Chop chop. And don’t forget “I”. |
| 2018-03-16 04:32:07 |
The Creators: Book One
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@White Walls: how’s that other chapter coming? I’m eagerly anticipating it! |
| 2018-05-06 19:21:23 |
“Daddy, can Paige stay over tonight?”
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Definitely need to proof read. That way Paige doesn’t stick his dick to the back of her THROUGH and instead gets it to her THROAT. And rather then send MESSAGES to his dick, perhaps next time she’ll MASSAGE it for him. And of course, we don’t want him sticking his dick in his HEAD anymore. It’s best he just hold it in his HAND. |
| 2018-11-28 16:50:49 |
S.H.E.I.L.A. 18
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Your writing is getting more and more pathetic. This could be a good story if you knew anything about military operations other than what you see on tv and video games, and could write on more than a seventh grade level. Learn when and when to not use commas - and where. Your chapters are too short and your “cliff hangers” are infantile attempts to entice readers to continue reading a sad attempt at sci-fi. |