Top ten uses of the F~~~ WORD & MORE

History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word

10th - "sc attered fuking showers, my arse!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the fuk did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the fuking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Where did all those fuking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
6th - "It does so fuking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the fuk are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any fuking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the fuk was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a fuking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963
And ...
drum roll ...,,,,,..
The number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word ....
"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is going to find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009




SEXIST

How many men does it take to open a beer?
---None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
---Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
---It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand > closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
---When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch? >
---You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
---Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at > the front door, who do you let in first?
---The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
---A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
---I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
---It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
---They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested.
---Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.