Am i gay im so confused who and what am i?
ok i mean it this time !!! sorry long life story .....please bear with me.....
im in my fourties i cant believe it either but i am
so life is passing me by. i just want to meet somebody nice , someone i am proud to be with
who has a decent manner about them
someone who i look at and think "i want you"
my last girlfriend had none of this . i went out with her for a few months because i had nothing else.
i have the social life of a loser but life is hard for me, i have epilepsy, its difficult to live with,
i have suffered from depression for a number of years, mainly because my private life has been a disaster, my mum just thinks im a failure , my younger brother gave her a grandc***d when he was 26 and he is now 10.i went out in my early twenties and looked for girls but i lacked confidence i was shy and too scared to talk to them.my other friends started getting girlfriends and they used to call me weird a loner gay ...
my mum said "i never see you with a girl...."
i started work in a dead end job when i was 23 as i did not go to university"where you get laid"
that was a male dominated environment so i did not meet women much there.
so i get to 28 and im still a virgin...
George Michael comes out in the papers as gay and i start getting confused over my sexuality
as i was still a virgin whos friends are slowly making their way in life , i still lived at home as well , i lived with my mother until last year!!!!
so i get to 29 another lonely virginal year steven gately comes out in the papers as gay could i be gay too, i had never had sex i was confused....i get to 30 and yes im still a virgin
Dale winton comes out in the papers as gay could i be i had never had sex i was confused over my sexuality...i was a loner in a dead end job whos friends are meeting partners leaving home and i still lived at home with my mother.
i turned 31 and i finally got a bit of luck...
they sent a mixed race girl to work with me and we got on well and we started dating...my first girlfriend at last...i still lived with my mother so i could not bring her back home with me , so she took me to her mums place her mum was cool
we tried to do it but i was a nervous virgin who struggled to get an erection.so i took the girl on holiday and i finally did it i could not come put at least i finally put my dick in a woman..
she gave me my first ever blow job it was great
but because she was mixed race we had problems and we broke up after about 5 months
that year big brother show elton john cliff reg kray michael barrymore all came out as gay my head started getting messed up again...
in 2002 i was 32 i was back to my sexless life
will young big brother show and fashanu all came out as gay could i be why was i like this.
i was 33 stuck in my crappy job with a screwed up head that year my brother left home to live with his girlfriend but i was a mummys boy
another sexless year big brother show ron davis came out as gay could i be i was really depressed and i started having seizures but i think its all this junk in my head i had no room to think i was sexually confused
2004 another sexless year my brother becomes a father i am 34. elton john and spencer come out as gay could i be too who and what was i? (i start looking at uncut cock pics on nifty.org and thehun.net but i look at pictures of women too so i dont think i am gay but im got all this confusion in my head )
2005 i am 35 im stuck in my dead end job its a betting shop so you dont meet many women
little britain star and elton and george michael say they are gay could i be gay too? but luckily that year i meet girlfriend number 2 - they send a slim white girl to work with me we get on well and start dating...i still lived with my mother
but my mother now had a caravan so i took my girlfriend home with me when my mum was away
so after 4 sexless years i started having sex again but i sometimes had trouble getting hard and i never came in her ,she was a bit younger than me and we went out for 6 months and finished.so my 36th birthday i was sexless again matt lucas gay wedding december 2006 was i gay i had all this shit in my screwed up mind.
2007 another sexless year all my mates are in relationships i still live with my mother i just think she thinks im gay she drops subtle hints
my seizures and depression are getting worse my head is a mess im confused and in a rut
they treat me for epilepsy but i still have the seizures and i cant feel them coming on could it be depression or anxiety or something?
2008 im 38 i have a breakdown i had a big seizure at home im taken too hospital in an ambulance where i stay for about 4 months
my head is a screwed up lost mess confused
and that year is sexless
2009 im 39 im having 3-4 seizures a month (i dont feel them coming on i just go blank and stare into space)and if im standing i will fall
apart from a prostitute who i cant perform with in hamburg another sexless year
2010 im 40 years old im technically a virgin(had 2 girlfriends in my life but never properly had sex and came) i still live with my mother, im stuck in a dead end job, ok im a loner,loser, but im not a bad person, i dont do d**gs, im not violent, im not aggressive, i dont have a bad mouth, im shy and lack confidence
another sexless year , my depression and seizures are quite bad im just confused and lost in life, yes i have looked at pictures of mens foreskins and quite liked it on nifty.org and thehun.net so am i gay?
because i like women too im just so lonely and depressed
2011 another sexless year still having seizures im taking citalapram for depression and phenobarbital and phenytoin for my epilepsy but i have taken about 20 different epilepsy medications but seizures remain,
2012 42 another sexless year(apart from a prostitute in amsterdam who gives me a handjob and nearly rips my foreskin off) i still live with my mother , im lonely, depressed, i have seizures, i have all this garbage in my head am i gay? i dont know the 2 girls i had in my life i could not do it properly but i dont like the thought of a mans dick up my bum definetly not, although i wouldnt mind playing with a dick
2013 im 43 ok a big year - i finally leave home i come to live in Brighton near my brother and his c***d
im still lonely depressed confused i shake a lot is it anxiety? my mind is so foggy and clogged up my memory
is awful is it side effects of my medication? is it my screwed up private life? is it because i have a confused brain? most of my mates are fathers now i feel such a loser in life, where did i go wrong, why is happiness so hard to find , i want to cry,
xmas time out of lonliness i ring a girl who has liked me for 13 years i took her to cinema years ago, i admit i never fancied her but now i have a place of my own , im away from my prudish mother, i thought i would take this girl out of desperation(not had a girlfriend in six years i have photo of her in my pictures) she becomes girlfriend number 3 - we go out for 4 months
2014 which brings me to present day i went out with this girl pretty much because i was desperate
she lived in london but would stay with me in brighton for about 2 weeks go home than come back a week later - it was ok but i really wasnt that happy we used to argue a lot she was quite bossy she was not pretty she had 2 teeth missing she was fat she had a bad back arthiritis boils IBS, she was aggresive
she had a bad mouth she swore a lot she was very argumentative- i had sex with her and i can get it up but like every girl i go out with i can not ejaculate but i give her an orgasm at least
we broke up now so im back to square one i just want to be happy why cant i perform properly with a woman is it nerves,lack confidence,shy,depression,anxiety, am i gay? should i go to gay pubs/saunas/ should i explore this part of my life? yes i like foreskins , i am uncut but i dont want a dick up my bum.
but i love women they are beautiful (most of them)their smell their smile just to hold a pretty girls hand for the first time in my life would be better than winning the lottery why am i confused please help me
im in my fourties i cant believe it either but i am
so life is passing me by. i just want to meet somebody nice , someone i am proud to be with
who has a decent manner about them
someone who i look at and think "i want you"
my last girlfriend had none of this . i went out with her for a few months because i had nothing else.
i have the social life of a loser but life is hard for me, i have epilepsy, its difficult to live with,
i have suffered from depression for a number of years, mainly because my private life has been a disaster, my mum just thinks im a failure , my younger brother gave her a grandc***d when he was 26 and he is now 10.i went out in my early twenties and looked for girls but i lacked confidence i was shy and too scared to talk to them.my other friends started getting girlfriends and they used to call me weird a loner gay ...
my mum said "i never see you with a girl...."
i started work in a dead end job when i was 23 as i did not go to university"where you get laid"
that was a male dominated environment so i did not meet women much there.
so i get to 28 and im still a virgin...
George Michael comes out in the papers as gay and i start getting confused over my sexuality
as i was still a virgin whos friends are slowly making their way in life , i still lived at home as well , i lived with my mother until last year!!!!
so i get to 29 another lonely virginal year steven gately comes out in the papers as gay could i be gay too, i had never had sex i was confused....i get to 30 and yes im still a virgin
Dale winton comes out in the papers as gay could i be i had never had sex i was confused over my sexuality...i was a loner in a dead end job whos friends are meeting partners leaving home and i still lived at home with my mother.
i turned 31 and i finally got a bit of luck...
they sent a mixed race girl to work with me and we got on well and we started dating...my first girlfriend at last...i still lived with my mother so i could not bring her back home with me , so she took me to her mums place her mum was cool
we tried to do it but i was a nervous virgin who struggled to get an erection.so i took the girl on holiday and i finally did it i could not come put at least i finally put my dick in a woman..
she gave me my first ever blow job it was great
but because she was mixed race we had problems and we broke up after about 5 months
that year big brother show elton john cliff reg kray michael barrymore all came out as gay my head started getting messed up again...
in 2002 i was 32 i was back to my sexless life
will young big brother show and fashanu all came out as gay could i be why was i like this.
i was 33 stuck in my crappy job with a screwed up head that year my brother left home to live with his girlfriend but i was a mummys boy
another sexless year big brother show ron davis came out as gay could i be i was really depressed and i started having seizures but i think its all this junk in my head i had no room to think i was sexually confused
2004 another sexless year my brother becomes a father i am 34. elton john and spencer come out as gay could i be too who and what was i? (i start looking at uncut cock pics on nifty.org and thehun.net but i look at pictures of women too so i dont think i am gay but im got all this confusion in my head )
2005 i am 35 im stuck in my dead end job its a betting shop so you dont meet many women
little britain star and elton and george michael say they are gay could i be gay too? but luckily that year i meet girlfriend number 2 - they send a slim white girl to work with me we get on well and start dating...i still lived with my mother
but my mother now had a caravan so i took my girlfriend home with me when my mum was away
so after 4 sexless years i started having sex again but i sometimes had trouble getting hard and i never came in her ,she was a bit younger than me and we went out for 6 months and finished.so my 36th birthday i was sexless again matt lucas gay wedding december 2006 was i gay i had all this shit in my screwed up mind.
2007 another sexless year all my mates are in relationships i still live with my mother i just think she thinks im gay she drops subtle hints
my seizures and depression are getting worse my head is a mess im confused and in a rut
they treat me for epilepsy but i still have the seizures and i cant feel them coming on could it be depression or anxiety or something?
2008 im 38 i have a breakdown i had a big seizure at home im taken too hospital in an ambulance where i stay for about 4 months
my head is a screwed up lost mess confused
and that year is sexless
2009 im 39 im having 3-4 seizures a month (i dont feel them coming on i just go blank and stare into space)and if im standing i will fall
apart from a prostitute who i cant perform with in hamburg another sexless year
2010 im 40 years old im technically a virgin(had 2 girlfriends in my life but never properly had sex and came) i still live with my mother, im stuck in a dead end job, ok im a loner,loser, but im not a bad person, i dont do d**gs, im not violent, im not aggressive, i dont have a bad mouth, im shy and lack confidence
another sexless year , my depression and seizures are quite bad im just confused and lost in life, yes i have looked at pictures of mens foreskins and quite liked it on nifty.org and thehun.net so am i gay?
because i like women too im just so lonely and depressed
2011 another sexless year still having seizures im taking citalapram for depression and phenobarbital and phenytoin for my epilepsy but i have taken about 20 different epilepsy medications but seizures remain,
2012 42 another sexless year(apart from a prostitute in amsterdam who gives me a handjob and nearly rips my foreskin off) i still live with my mother , im lonely, depressed, i have seizures, i have all this garbage in my head am i gay? i dont know the 2 girls i had in my life i could not do it properly but i dont like the thought of a mans dick up my bum definetly not, although i wouldnt mind playing with a dick
2013 im 43 ok a big year - i finally leave home i come to live in Brighton near my brother and his c***d
im still lonely depressed confused i shake a lot is it anxiety? my mind is so foggy and clogged up my memory
is awful is it side effects of my medication? is it my screwed up private life? is it because i have a confused brain? most of my mates are fathers now i feel such a loser in life, where did i go wrong, why is happiness so hard to find , i want to cry,
xmas time out of lonliness i ring a girl who has liked me for 13 years i took her to cinema years ago, i admit i never fancied her but now i have a place of my own , im away from my prudish mother, i thought i would take this girl out of desperation(not had a girlfriend in six years i have photo of her in my pictures) she becomes girlfriend number 3 - we go out for 4 months
2014 which brings me to present day i went out with this girl pretty much because i was desperate
she lived in london but would stay with me in brighton for about 2 weeks go home than come back a week later - it was ok but i really wasnt that happy we used to argue a lot she was quite bossy she was not pretty she had 2 teeth missing she was fat she had a bad back arthiritis boils IBS, she was aggresive
she had a bad mouth she swore a lot she was very argumentative- i had sex with her and i can get it up but like every girl i go out with i can not ejaculate but i give her an orgasm at least
we broke up now so im back to square one i just want to be happy why cant i perform properly with a woman is it nerves,lack confidence,shy,depression,anxiety, am i gay? should i go to gay pubs/saunas/ should i explore this part of my life? yes i like foreskins , i am uncut but i dont want a dick up my bum.
but i love women they are beautiful (most of them)their smell their smile just to hold a pretty girls hand for the first time in my life would be better than winning the lottery why am i confused please help me
10 years ago
