Musings .... 1
This piece was inspired by a conversation I had with someone I met here though the truth is these thoughts have been rattling around in my mind for years. I'll almost certainly come back to this in five years time and cringe myself into a ball sack reading it.
If you recognise yourself, your life, or your lived experiences from this leave a shout in the comments. Same if you think I'm chatting shit, which is equally plausible, to be fair.
Discourse is good. Just don't be a cunt or you'll be demanding an apology from your own mother for not going through with the abortion by the time I'm finished with you.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind.
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MUSINGS ON THOSE SEEKING A "LONG TERM AND SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP" HERE
Personally, in my opinion, a serious, long term relationship isn't something you can really set out to accomplish. Not with any reasonable expectation of success and happiness at any rate.
That's just not how it works.
When people find one another and are drawn to each other it's not anything either of them are thinking of as serious, long term relationship material. You don't take that step with someone having drawn up a ten year plan together. That's not how humans think or act with each other. You're not thinking that far ahead. You just literally can't keep your hands off one another. You find yourself idly thinking about them at random times of the day, like when you're daydreaming, or laying down to sleep. Then again when you wake up. You start becoming aware that things you'd previously rarely paid attention to are reminding you of them. It has an immediacy and an urgency to its spontaneity.
What it doesn't have, at least not yet, are the long term relationship legs because you don't really know one another that intimately or completely. You may hope this is the one or you may play out what it might be like in your head, but you rarely say it out loud and definitely not to each other.
You might scare them away.
The kind of sincere love, deep trust, solidarity and companionship is something you build together over months and years. You never go into something knowing it's gonna happen no matter what we might like to tell ourselves or to romanticise to others.
That's all bullshit.
Every time we meet someone new it's a gamble. We know it might end up breaking our heart or leaving us feeling broken and empty, like damaged goods if it blows up in our faces, but we take the risk anyway because fuck it, what else are we gonna do? Give up on love and passion and intimacy altogether?
Hell fucking no.
We take the risk.
Again.
And again.
And again and again and again.
That's certainly what I've always done and as I've got older I've tried to better at it. At all of it. I think it's probably quite telling that those are the relationships that ended amicably and that I'm still close with those women. That we're still friends and value one another. That we look back at our time together and don't regret it one bit. We took it as far as we could together and once we realised that part of our relationship had run its course, we mutually agreed to change the relationship into a better one. One that felt more true to how we felt about one another in that moment.
We all change, sometimes suddenly and without much warning, other times so gradually we barely even register it happening, but if it's possible for two people to grow closer then it's also equally possible for them to grow apart.
The pain and suffering, the bitterness and acrimony, comes from our inability or our unwillingness to accept that reality. We don't want to let go so we hold on tight, even when a part of us knows it's over. Sometimes way past that point.
Because hey, a little bit of something has gotta be better than all of nothing, hasn't it? Urgh! ?
We end up angry and resenting one another, making sure we destroy any trace of potential friendship along with our lost romantic love.
It's truly tragic.
And it happens the most to us when we tell ourselves "This time it's forever."
Nothing is forever.
Every single relationship anyone has ever had, is having, or will ever have ends, either in a break up, or with a death.
Nothing is forever.
So what I will say to you all is simply this....
What will be, will be. You cannot make anything happen. You do not have that much control over the universe.
Enjoy what you have while you have it, while you still have the capacity to enjoy it. Be the truest expression of that which you are. Speak honestly, act with integrity, move though the world with pure intent.
And always remember that our reality is infinitely improved when we focus on improving the lives of those around us above our own.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you're unsure or uncertain of what you should do, the choice you should make, of which door you should walk through, or the path you should walk, ask yourself this...
"What would love do?"
Once you have your answer, that's what you do.
If you recognise yourself, your life, or your lived experiences from this leave a shout in the comments. Same if you think I'm chatting shit, which is equally plausible, to be fair.
Discourse is good. Just don't be a cunt or you'll be demanding an apology from your own mother for not going through with the abortion by the time I'm finished with you.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind.
-------------------------------------------
MUSINGS ON THOSE SEEKING A "LONG TERM AND SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP" HERE
Personally, in my opinion, a serious, long term relationship isn't something you can really set out to accomplish. Not with any reasonable expectation of success and happiness at any rate.
That's just not how it works.
When people find one another and are drawn to each other it's not anything either of them are thinking of as serious, long term relationship material. You don't take that step with someone having drawn up a ten year plan together. That's not how humans think or act with each other. You're not thinking that far ahead. You just literally can't keep your hands off one another. You find yourself idly thinking about them at random times of the day, like when you're daydreaming, or laying down to sleep. Then again when you wake up. You start becoming aware that things you'd previously rarely paid attention to are reminding you of them. It has an immediacy and an urgency to its spontaneity.
What it doesn't have, at least not yet, are the long term relationship legs because you don't really know one another that intimately or completely. You may hope this is the one or you may play out what it might be like in your head, but you rarely say it out loud and definitely not to each other.
You might scare them away.
The kind of sincere love, deep trust, solidarity and companionship is something you build together over months and years. You never go into something knowing it's gonna happen no matter what we might like to tell ourselves or to romanticise to others.
That's all bullshit.
Every time we meet someone new it's a gamble. We know it might end up breaking our heart or leaving us feeling broken and empty, like damaged goods if it blows up in our faces, but we take the risk anyway because fuck it, what else are we gonna do? Give up on love and passion and intimacy altogether?
Hell fucking no.
We take the risk.
Again.
And again.
And again and again and again.
That's certainly what I've always done and as I've got older I've tried to better at it. At all of it. I think it's probably quite telling that those are the relationships that ended amicably and that I'm still close with those women. That we're still friends and value one another. That we look back at our time together and don't regret it one bit. We took it as far as we could together and once we realised that part of our relationship had run its course, we mutually agreed to change the relationship into a better one. One that felt more true to how we felt about one another in that moment.
We all change, sometimes suddenly and without much warning, other times so gradually we barely even register it happening, but if it's possible for two people to grow closer then it's also equally possible for them to grow apart.
The pain and suffering, the bitterness and acrimony, comes from our inability or our unwillingness to accept that reality. We don't want to let go so we hold on tight, even when a part of us knows it's over. Sometimes way past that point.
Because hey, a little bit of something has gotta be better than all of nothing, hasn't it? Urgh! ?
We end up angry and resenting one another, making sure we destroy any trace of potential friendship along with our lost romantic love.
It's truly tragic.
And it happens the most to us when we tell ourselves "This time it's forever."
Nothing is forever.
Every single relationship anyone has ever had, is having, or will ever have ends, either in a break up, or with a death.
Nothing is forever.
So what I will say to you all is simply this....
What will be, will be. You cannot make anything happen. You do not have that much control over the universe.
Enjoy what you have while you have it, while you still have the capacity to enjoy it. Be the truest expression of that which you are. Speak honestly, act with integrity, move though the world with pure intent.
And always remember that our reality is infinitely improved when we focus on improving the lives of those around us above our own.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you're unsure or uncertain of what you should do, the choice you should make, of which door you should walk through, or the path you should walk, ask yourself this...
"What would love do?"
Once you have your answer, that's what you do.
1 year ago